The Potion Master's Reflection
by DaniNatureGirl313
Summary: Set during "Sorcerer's Stone", Professor Snape takes a moment for some introspection. I heard the song on YT, ironically while "DH2" was on t. v., & it reminded me so much of him. This briefly mentions the OC I've created for the main story I'm still working on.


**The Potion Master's Reflection**

_**AN: I'm surprised that nobody on YouTube's made a tribute video to Professor Snape w/ this song. It matches him so perfectly, given his tragic past & all the painful secrets he had to carry. Just making it clear, though...this is the Michael Crawford cover version from his c.d. of Disney songs. For those of you who don't know, Michael was the first to play the title role in ALW's "Phantom of the Opera". If you haven't heard him sing before, you really need to look him up. He's got a killer voice, and he's such a sweet guy, too. Anyway, enough of my rambling (lol). Hope you like this.**_

This seemed like the millionth essay he'd graded that night. Severus Snape groaned as he rubbed the space between his eyes, before helping himself to a glass of the expensive scotch he kept hidden under his desk. Leaning back and crossing his legs atop said desk, he began mulling over the events of the day. Albus had told him that the Potter boy had found the Mirror of Erised. No surprise there, since the little hellion didn't seem to believe in "curiosity killed the cat". His job was going to be harder than he thought. He knew what the child must've seen. It couldn't have been anything else: his parents…Lily. Oh, dear sweet Lily. He gulped back the tears that threatened in the corners of his eyes, quickly taking another deep swig of scotch.

_**Look at me.**_

_**You may think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me.**_

_**Every day, it's as if I play a part.**_

_**Now, I see if I wear a mask, I can fool the world.**_

_**But I cannot fool my heart.**_

The students were terrified of him. Well, it was mostly the kids from third year down. Years four and five resented him, while sixth and seventh years merely tolerated him. Still, that didn't mean he didn't hear them muttering things like "greasy bat", "evil", "nasty", and "crazy". The first one made him laugh, privately of course. The third and fourth were constantly up for debate. But it was the second word that really ticked him off. He wasn't evil at all. He only seemed that way, because his hard childhood made him bitter. The mask he'd worn so long ago to cover his face…it made him shudder just recalling it. Now, that mask actually _was_ his face. He had a duty to fulfill. He had to make things up to Lily by protecting her son, however much it pained him to see her eyes, blended with his rival's features. It was all for her, but nobody knew that. They couldn't. Not now. Not until this war was finally over. He could see her reflection in his glass, which made him sigh and softly say, "Blast it all…I still love you. I'll never stop loving you." No matter what role he was put into, what disguise he was forced to wear, that one fact would always be true.

_**Who is the man I see, staring straight back at me?**_

_**When will my reflection show who I am inside?**_

After all these years, straddling both sides of this brewing battle, Severus felt like he was slowly losing himself. He didn't know who he was anymore. There were days where he still felt like the lost, scared little boy who only practiced magic when his bedroom door was locked, or when his alcoholic father was out of the house. Other times, he felt fifteen again, laughing under a tree with Lily in the brief time that year before he was drawn to the Death Eaters. He liked to believe that side was the real him, still hiding beneath all this sarcastic bravado.

_**I am now in a world where I have to hide my heart, and what I believe in.**_

_**But somehow, I will show the world what's inside my heart. **_

_**And be loved for who I am.**_

He'd only joined Voldemort's ranks, because he thought they could provide a family for him. He was wrong. They were the exact opposite. It was only a family as long as you were useful. By the time he realized that, it was too late to fix certain key relationships in his life. He loathed the Death Eaters now, despite the fact that his best friend, Lucius, was still among them. He only hoped that Albus's promise, "The truth will come out one day, my boy", would become a reality. Then, he could finally get the redemption he so desperately desired. He would feel loved again. He would have peace.

_**Who is the man I see, staring straight back at me?**_

_**Why is my reflection someone I don't know?**_

Briefly closing his eyes, he thought of all the times he, himself, had visited that mirror. It always gave the same answer, one with beautiful red hair and blue-green eyes, but it also gave so many questions. He was unsure if he'd ever be able to answer them. He ran his fingers through his hair, having another sip of scotch. He took brief note of his own reflected image in the glass, and he wondered where all these lines on his face had come from. Where had the time gone? And wherever it went, look what it had done to him. What happened?

_**Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time?**_

_**When will my reflection show who I am inside?**_

_**There's a heart that must be free to fly **_

_**That burns with a need to know the reason why**_

He hated the tattoo on the inside of his left forearm, which had recently started to burn again. All followers had to take that mark, a sign of their loyalty. He remembered the first time his daughter, Persephone, had confronted him about it. Yet another sip of scotch pushed that bitter image away. She'd moved in with him permanently last year, and their bond was only getting stronger. He hated lying to her. He wished people could see Severus the father, not the former Death Eater, or even the Hogwarts professor. If he could sprout wings like a hippogriff and fly away from all this, he would. Everything happened for a reason, but why fate set that reason to involve him, he still didn't know. He probably never would.

_**I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time.**_

_**When will my reflection show who I am inside?**_

_**When will my reflection show who I am inside?**_

Albus's words from just over a decade ago echoed in his brain a second time: "The truth will come out." He winced as the mark on his arm burned again, and the words that escaped his lips in a heavy whisper had a double-meaning: "Soon…definitely soon."


End file.
